Conviction (this is a venting session...you have been warned)

Once again I am struggling with different aspects of this little bought in Florida. I am not going to lie: it is hard to stop what you are doing and love, pick-up your life, and move to the complete opposite end of the country. We prayed so much about the decision for Justin to enter the National Guard and know that it is the right decision. That doesn't mean I am not going to struggle at times, though. I don't want sympathy. There are a lot of people who do this (for there entire lives even) and a lot of people who have much more difficult things going on in their lives. I just want prayer, understanding, and encouragement.

Right now, a lot of details are changing on us. It is like once I think I know something, everything changes. Once I think I can start planning my life- it gets turned upside down. People like to say, "welcome to the military". Yes, change is one of the characteristic traits of the military, but I also think this is all happening for a reason. I have said that this is out of my hands and that God is in control, however the moment I think I finally know what is going on - I start planning my life again. To me, I thought - "OK, God, you can have this year, but I can take it from there." Oops. That's not how it goes. Thankfully, I serve a loving, patient God who gently asks for the steering wheel of my life back once again. I have been kicking and screaming, but need to hand it back over. (SOOOOO much easier said than done) Part of me wants to say - "but, this is Justin's dream. I didn't sign up for this. I am being the supportive wife and I dropped everything and followed him across the country for a year. Isn't that enough???" Ha, I just said that 'part of me' wants to say that. Lately, it has been ALL of me that wants to say that. Anyway, I am handing the reins back over. God has showered Justin and I with blessings this year and we are so thankful. I know that HE is in control and has a perfect plan for my life. And in my brain - I know that HIS plan is greater than mine could ever be. I am just working on truly believing that in my heart. And after some "kicking and screaming" talks with God (like this morning), I am starting to. I honestly don't know how I could do this without knowing there is a God who is master of the universe, in control of everything, and loves ME.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23